Thou Art The Potter

I've been up all night, so this post is composed as I'm feeling tired and probably a little bit vulnerable. But I've been thinking a lot about God tonight.

When I pray, there's a difference between "going before the Father" with routine prayer and "really going before the Father", exposed, vulnerable, pissed off, hollowed out, etc. In other words, though my heart is always in it, some prayer time is more poignant than others. The poignant ones take many forms: There's the prayer when I feel rotten because of sin and I come crawling on my knees. There's the one where I feel disconnected from God and come asking for renewal. There's the one where I'm angry and the prayer involves more harsh words than kind ones. There's the one where I'm overwhelmed and seek peace. But none of those really describe how I'm feeling right now.

You know how clay (or Play-Doh) gets those little cracks in it if it has been left out for too long? That's how I'm feeling. Still pliable, but with little cracks in me that need to me kneaded and smoothed out. I want to feel the hands of God physically working me over. Not in a forgiving way, but rather in a nurturing way. You ever feel like you need God to make himself known in the physical, tangible sense? Real Live Preacher makes the comment that he occasionally sneaks into churches and takes naps in the pews because he likes the feeling that God is watching over him. That's what I want right now. I want to walk into an empty cathedral and lay down in the back pew and just go to sleep. For hours and hours. And wake up and feel sore because God's hands have been at work.

Like so many others, I'm spent. Life is a little bit hard right now. I'm nearing a breaking point. Lend me your hands, God. I'm the clay (or blue Play-Doh). Have Thine Own Way.

Hill Country BBQ

Yesterday, being Memorial Day, necessitated a menu of red meat and beer. It's the way that we Texans honor the fallen. Normally, I'd fix the burgers or meat myself, but since I'm studying again these days, I opted to have someone else do the cooking. So, Casey and I went to check out this new restaurant that has opened called Hill Country.

Hill Country is modeled after the famous Kreuz Market in Lockhart, Texas. For the men in my family, Kreuz is somewhat of a sanctuary. Imagine my excitement to find a BBQ place, another Kreuz Market, in New York City!

Now, imagine my disappointment. This place was WAY overpriced. Two beef ribs and 4 small slices of brisket cost me $17.50. No lie. Didn't include side dishes nor beverages. They do their service counter-style, where you take your tray from counter to counter, and ask the pitmaster or side-dish-master (?) for what you want. Everything is served on butcher paper, like BBQ should be, but the nostalgia did not make up for the tough texture and overly sweet (read: bad) BBQ sauce served with the meat.

The decor is grossly "Texas-centric". It tries too hard. The waitresses were even wearing cowboy boots. Yep, that's right. You know, because everyone in Texas wear cowboy boots. (I love mine, but not for waiting tables.)

The only saving grace for this place was the Blue Bell Ice Cream and Lone Star Beer. Thankfully, those things are made somewhere else and shipped to NYC, so they offered the same taste and satisfaction I remember from my days in Austin.

Fellow Texans, don't waste your time or your money on this place. If you want some BBQ, let's get together sometime soon and do it up right ourselves. I'll cook the meat, somebody else bring the sides, and I promise, no one will wear cowboy boots.

MCAT update

I got my MCAT scores back recently and they are not as competitive as I want them to be. So, I'm going to re-take the exam on June 13. Interestingly enough, I am not upset as I had imagined myself in this situation. On the contrary, it's a matter of "If I need to take the test again in order to be a more competitive applicant, so be it. I have to do what I have to do."

Thanks for support and well-wishes. Keep you all posted.

Home Improvement

I have successfully completed my first home-improvement project. I installed four bookshelves on my bedroom walls. It's been a week-long process involving many trips to Home Depot , countless conversations with Matthew, and a few new tools.

I called my sister-in-law today from Home Depot as I was looking for some drill bits I had forgotten. Lovingly/sarcastically, she said "What a surprise... A Jones man starting out to do a project without all of the proper equipment." What can I say, it's genetic. And, I didn't mind perusing the aisles once again. It's a little bit therapeutic.

Myanmar Relief

OEM (Office of Emergency Management) urges those who wish to help those affected by the cyclone in Myanmar to make cash donations. A list of organizations collecting donations can be found at Network for Good (http://www.networkforgood.org). Please consider making a donation.