Blue Like Jazz

I've recently finished reading Blue Like Jazz again. This is one of my favorite books, and one that is necessary for me to re-read every few months. It is full of things that are true. Each time I finish reading the book, I feel close to Don Miller (the author). I want to meet him somewhere for coffee. I imagine us having a lot to talk about, stories to compare. We would laugh some and probably cry together, too, as we ponder the depths of God's love. He's on my list of people I want to meet someday.

I take away something different with each read of the book. The idea that struck me this time is worth sharing here.

When I wake up each morning, I must die to myself.

This is the way to serve, to love, to follow Christ. It's not my show, it's someone else's.

Miller writes:

I was in San Francisco recently staying at this bed and breakfast place for people who are in the city to do ministry. It was a small house, but there were
probably fifteen people living there at the time. The guy who ran the place,
Bill, was always making meals or cleaning up after us, and I took note of his
incredible patience and kindness. I noticed that not all of us did our dishes
after a meal, and very few people thanked him for cooking. One morning, before
anybody woke up, Bill and I were drinking coffee at the dining room table. I
told him I lived with five guys and that it was very difficult for me because I
liked my space and I needed my privacy. I asked him how he kept such a good
attitude all of the time with so many people abusing his kindness. Bill set down
his coffee and looked me in the eye. "Don," he said. "If we are not willing to
wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves
whether or not we are really following Jesus."

This guy, Bill, has got it right on.

Be Still and Know

I'm not very good and being still and just letting life happen. I'm the type that's always in search of the next dream, the next challenge, the next distraction. I have ideas for why this is true about myself, but I won't divulge them here.

Becoming a nurse, moving to NYC, moving to Mexico, starting grad school, dropping out of grad school, going to medical school........ see a pattern? I don't regret any of the aforementioned and believe that each of them happened with a purpose, but my methodology may leave something to be desired.

In preparation for the MCAT in April, I've had some serious anxieties about the material that's required of me, largely due to the fact that I have not yet finished my pre-med requirements. On the advice of some friends of mine who are in their residencies, I could sit for the MCAT without having actually finished the courses that teach the material that will be covered on the exam. Sounds like a plan, I thought. Let's get the ball rolling. Get a prep course, sit for the exam, apply to medical school, get accepted, start medical school ASAP to get out ASAP and get on with my life ASAP. But why? Why is this country so obsessed with the end result? Why do we value forward progress above contentment? Why is waiting a year considered wasting a year?

After a lot of internal dialogue, prayer, and conversations with those closest to me, I think I've decided to slow it down a bit and do all of this at a more relaxed pace. It just make sense. There's no rush. I'm embarking on a serious journey, and it necessitates careful thought and adequate preparation on all fronts. Learning, absorbing, and applying new knowledge takes time. More time than the 12 weeks I was allowing myself. Additionally, I'm in a new relationship that needs me to be there, and asking him for something less was selfish, regardless of his willingness to sacrifice.

A dear friend prayed for me at church a few weeks ago, that my current study/class schedule would be somehow re-arranged to allow me to be at church each week. I have thought of that prayer often the last few weeks, and wondered if that's what's going on here. Through her prayer, God is opening my eyes and telling me to be still and know.

The words and the melody are both simple. I daresay that was not an accident.

Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am God

April 7, 2007

It's for real now, this MCAT thing. I have to admit that having an actual test date (see the subject line) is at the same time motivating, anxiety-producing, and exciting. This step in my life has been many years in the making and I'm looking forward to what lies beyond the exam. Surrounded by God, my family, my Wilber, and my friends, here goes!

At class the other day, one of the other students asked me how I planned to respond to the question, "Why do you want to be a doctor instead of a nurse." I've given this question a lot of thought, but am still working on the perfect answer ( I suppose I have a few months). Things that come to mind are: power to try and bring about change, work toward alleviation of healthcare disparties in the US and globally, mission work, always seeking the next challenge. I've been told to steer away from "I've always wanted to be a doctor" and "When ________ died in my family, it made me realize..."

I've never been one to walk alone, and I don't plan to start right now. So, I open the above question up to you. What would you say? What have you said when asked about switching careers, taking on new challenges, moving to new places?