I just finished reading The Commitment by Dan Savage. It's a humorous memoir that chronicles Dan and his partner Terry's decision to marry, or not to marry, taking into account the strong opinions of their six year-old son, D.J.

I've thought about gay marriage quite a bit recently because it's in the news and because Joe Solmonese frequents my inbox with persuasive emails about how I should be a better gay. I have always considered myself to be a traditional gay man. That is, I envisioned myself falling in love with the man of my dreams, getting married, and then adopting 2-4 children. I believe that we deserve equal rights, including the right to marry. Anything less is injustice.

But Savage makes this point:

"We also weren't sure we were prepared to sacrifice the one thing gay relationships have always had over straight relationships: their quiet dignity. Straight couples that want their relationships to be taken seriously have always had to jump through the marital hoop, but not gay couples...Unlike heterosexuals, we had to do the hard work of building a life together in order to be taken seriously, something we did without any legal entanglements or incentives...when our relationships were taken seriously it was by virtue of their duration..."

I had never thought about the issue this way before. Savage is right. There is a quiet dignity about lasting same-sex relationships. That is evident in the couples I know from church and elsewhere.

I'm pretty sure I still want to be married someday (and not some dumbed-down version, like civil unions). But I'm only pretty sure. I'm not certain.