Love's Final Victory

If supreme power lies on the side of supreme love, then none of us [my emphasis], whether Christian, Muslim, or atheist, need fear that the One who loved us into existence in the first place might wantonly abandon us in the end. Nor need we worry that an honest mistake in theology will somehow jeopardize our future. For if a perfectly loving Creator does exist, then he knows us from the inside out far better than we know ourselves; he appreciates the ambiguities, the confusions, and the perplexities we face far better than we do; and he understands the historical and cultural factors that shape our beliefs far better than any historian does. Such a Creator--so loving, intimate, and wise--would know how to work with us in infinitely complex ways, how to shatter our illusions and transform our thinking when necessary, and how best to reveal himself to us in the end.



For though our present choices cannot alter our final destiny, they most assuredly can affect our chances for happiness in the present and in the near term future; and though our glorious inheritance cannot elude us forever, it most assuredly can elude us for a lifetime, or perhaps even several lifetimes. So our choices do have very real consequences in our lives; indeed, these consequences are one of the means by which God will transform us in the end and thereby secure our final destiny. When we finally weary of our own selfishness, petty jealousies, and lust for power; when we learn at last, perhaps through bitter experience, that these lead only to ruin and cannot bring enduring happiness, that nothing short of union with God and reconciliation with others will satisfy our deepest yearnings; when we discover that the Hound of Heaven has finally closed off every alternative to such a union, we shall then, each of us, finally embrace the destiny that is ours.

Thomas Talbott, The Inescapable Love of God (Universal Publishers: USA, 1999), p. 218.

I just finished reading The Commitment by Dan Savage. It's a humorous memoir that chronicles Dan and his partner Terry's decision to marry, or not to marry, taking into account the strong opinions of their six year-old son, D.J.

I've thought about gay marriage quite a bit recently because it's in the news and because Joe Solmonese frequents my inbox with persuasive emails about how I should be a better gay. I have always considered myself to be a traditional gay man. That is, I envisioned myself falling in love with the man of my dreams, getting married, and then adopting 2-4 children. I believe that we deserve equal rights, including the right to marry. Anything less is injustice.

But Savage makes this point:

"We also weren't sure we were prepared to sacrifice the one thing gay relationships have always had over straight relationships: their quiet dignity. Straight couples that want their relationships to be taken seriously have always had to jump through the marital hoop, but not gay couples...Unlike heterosexuals, we had to do the hard work of building a life together in order to be taken seriously, something we did without any legal entanglements or incentives...when our relationships were taken seriously it was by virtue of their duration..."

I had never thought about the issue this way before. Savage is right. There is a quiet dignity about lasting same-sex relationships. That is evident in the couples I know from church and elsewhere.

I'm pretty sure I still want to be married someday (and not some dumbed-down version, like civil unions). But I'm only pretty sure. I'm not certain.

Familiar

About a month ago, I started working the night shift in the ICU. I did nights in New York, but started working days when I moved to Austin. A change in jobs was necessary, so I left my 8a-4:30p, M-F job and got this new gig in ICU. The job is busy/stress-filled if anything, but that's another post for another time.

Switching to the night shift has brought back a flood of old patterns. It takes me right back to living in New York and working my nights in ICU there. You see, working the night shift wreaks havoc on the sleep-wake cycle. Even on my nights off, my sleep schedule is messed up and so I'm up most of the night, wishing I was asleep like Abel and the dogs. I've taken to sleeping by myself so my tossing and turning and book-light won't disturb the rest of the house. Laying alone in my bed, staring at the ceiling, I feel exactly like I used to in New York. It's eerily familiar.

When I was living in Queens, on nights that I couldn't sleep I would read or watch TV til about 5am, then walk to the diner near my house and enjoy breakfast with the construction workers and delivery drivers. The diner was teeming with life at 5am.

So this morning, I decided to re-instate my diner tradition. I made the fifteen minute drive (not fifteen minute walk) to the 24 diner in search of waffles and eggs and a cup of decaf. To my surprise, there was one other person in the diner. One! And he was a (gay!) student who was immersed in his omelette and textbooks. Not hardly the construction worker-type I anticipated

The upside of being awake all night, if there is one, is that I have more time to read, contemplate, and reminisce. And time to think about blogging again. Here's to all of that, and to finding a prescription for Ambien.

A Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Amen.