2007 AIDS Walk New York

May 20, 2007 is the date for this year's AIDS Walk New York in Central Park. I will be walking as a part of the Christ's Church for Brooklyn (CCfB) team. We're participating in this event as one of our 'hands & feet' projects, by being Christ's hands and feet through service to our neighbors.

I will be walking in support and memory of many patients of mine who have succumbed to AIDS since I began my nursing career. I also will walk to support Gay Men's Health Crisis and the work that they do here in the city.

If you would like some more information about the walk, or if you care to make a dontation, check out this link: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=216438&lis=0&kntae216438=6232814FB3B84A6587F4BFC04B55B94B&supId=172287208

I've got the joy joy joy joy

I woke up this morning feeling joyful, just like that song I used to sing in Sunday school. This past weekend was awesome and served as a retreat for me. The feeling I have today is the same one I have after I've come back from a church retreat or a weekend away: refreshed and joyful.

Friday, I got to hang out with Joe and Laura and Ira, and their company is invaluable. Saturday was Ira's birthday and we had a rockin' good time at his party. Yesterday was the MS walk and I got to spend the entire day with friends from church while we walked, worshiped, and then had dinner together. And through it all, the skies were blue and the sun was shining, and I didn't have to wear a coat! I can't ask for much more than that. Right now, I'm walking on sunshine, ohohoh.

Virginia Tech

The thing that bothers me the post about the incident at Virginia Tech earlier in the week are the headlines in the newspapers: Madman, Face of Evil, Psycho Killer and the like. My initial thought on seeing this student's picture in the newspaper was What must have happened to him? What did he suffer through? Was it mental illness untreated? What was his life like that got him to the point of murder?

I'm not of the mind that anyone is evil. We are all children of God, and any one of us is capable of despicable action. While I'm floored by what happened and grieve with the victims' families, I also grieve at the loss of the shooter's life and wonder what, if anything, could have been said to him or demonstrated to him that would have kept him from resorting to such outrageous action.

Grieving The Loss

More often than not, our lives are not what we expected them to be, when we, as kids, imagined ourselves grown-up. Every person, at some point, must grieve the loss of the life they imagined for themself. This is what I'm going through right now.

The life that I have now is not what I dreamt it would be like. When I was a younger, I dreamt I would graduate from Harding University, be married with a wife and children, living somewhere in Texas, serving as a worship leader for a large church, living comfortably in a house on some land, my family and I being pillars of the church. Things are the things I wanted for myself. Being gay, living in New York, having no children, working as a nurse, these things were never part of my dream.

I'm mourning now the loss of my dream. It will never come true, and I understand that and it's a better thing in the end, as I'm living more true to myself. God has brought me to where I am and I trust Him. But that doesn't mean that it still doesn't sting sometimes. It stung a little more than usual this past week when I went to go visit by older brother Josh and his family in Searcy. In many ways, he has the life that I wanted. That sucks a little bit, for me.

People who do not take the time to mourn the loss of their dream life, dream job, dream spouse, etc., will find disappointment over and over again as reality does not match their dream. The important thing is that I need to meet God where He is and follow His lead.