1000 Words

Almost Famous

Over the weekend, Wilber and I were having a lazy-Saturday-afternoon bagel in the bagel shop near the house. We noticed a news reporter and her cameraman outside the window of the shop, looking in at the customers. Wilber joked, "They must be coming in to interview me."

Sure enough, the reporter and cameraman walked inside and walked straight over to our table and said, "We'd like to interview you two."

"About what?", I asked.
"About your thoughts on same-sex marriage."

"What?", I thought. "Are we wearing a sign or something? Is G-A-Y stamped across my forehead?" I was a little perturbed by the implication.

As it turns out, the lady was a reporter for a Filipino news network, and they were interviewing New Yorkers about their feelings regarding same-sex marriage and its not being legal in this state.

On camera, I made some comment about how it's a shame that it's not legal, etc, etc. Very creative, I know. Then they turned the camera to Wilber. He spoke so eloquently about how New York is such a diverse, progressive city and how it's counter-intuitive that same-sex marriage isn't legal here but is legal in other seemingly less-progressive states. Well said, babe. You're a natural in the spotlight.

I thought it was interesting, given my previous blogpost, that someone would then turn on a camera and call on me to defend my viewpoint.

So today, I'm walking down the street and this representative from the Human Rights Campaign (a GLBT-rights organization) stops me and asks me to become a partner of them and support the end of workplace-discrimination for gays. People are coming out of the woodwork this week calling on me to advocate for equal rights for the GLBT community. "YES!", I replied. Awesome!

Gay rights is one of those things that I believe strongly in. But sometimes I am still a little wary of making that belief known publicly.

Not anymore.

I'm a member of a community. The community needs help.

Here I am!

Let's go do this thing!

Freedom To Marry

This week is Freedom To Marry Week. Americans celebrate this week the importance of ending exclusion of same-sex couples' right to marriage. We likewise engage in conversations with friends and family about advocating for equal marriage rights for all Americans.


Check out Al Gore's endorsement.
http://current.com/items/88817757_gay_men_and_women_should_have_the_same_rights

Check out the Human Rights Campaign's Million for Marriage petition. Sign the petition and forward it on to others who will sign it.

A small fire

I was woken up last night by one of my roommates banging on my door and shouting "Get out! Get out!" I scrambled out of bed in a panic and opened my bedroom door and I there was this haziness in the apartment and it smelled of smoke and gas and my roommate was shouting, "There's a fire! Get out!"

I was only in my undies, so my first thought is "Get clothes on." I managed to throw some clothes on but I was in such a panic that I found it hard to know what drawers even to go to for clothes. I've had the thought process before, If there's ever a fire, what would I grab on my way out? I figured I would grab my Bible, my laptop, some photo albums, etc.

What did I grab last night? Nothing! I looked at all those things and said forget it, it's not worth the time it would take. They can all be replaced. I just grabbed a blanket off my bed because it was below freezing outside last night.

We called 911 and three firetrucks showed up. They immediately found the fire in the basement. Part of the boiler had caught on fire and they quickly put it out. It appears that no structural damage was done to the house. In fact, they told us it was safe to sleep in the house last night. Only thing we're missing is heat right now, because the landlord has to put in a new boiler now. Before I went back to bed, I started looking around the apartment for the smoke detectors, wondering why they hadn't alarmend. There were none!

People, make sure your apartment has smoke detectors. I assumed the landlord had them installed, but he did not. I'll be putting them up today, along with carbon monoxide detectors as well. You just never know what could happen.

The Obama Wagon

It's no secret that Sen. Obama is generating much hype these days. He seems to be effectively mobilizing a generation of disenfranchised twenty and thirtysomethings. So why am I finding it so hard to believe what he says and to jump on the proverbial wagon? I've read blogposts here and there and listened to his speeches. I'm not sold, though. It's hard to believe what anyone says during the heat of the campaign trail. What if he's just spewing inspirational/feel-good/yes we can rhetoric? On the other hand, if he is going to be the next JFK-esque political icon, do I want to be the guy who says no to that?

Help me out, Obama fans. Tell me why you're sold. Without using the word inspirational.

Take A Second Look

I watch the TV show House only occasionally. I happened to catch it this week and the episode that aired got me to thinking about my own clinical practice.

The story revolved around this 40-something male, polysubstance abuser who collapsed in a coughing fit, in an alley, and was brought to the hospital. Further workup revealed all sorts of vague symptoms on this guy (bleeding, respiratory distress, blood clots in his fingers). The doctors attending to him were in a race to see who could come up with the correct diagnosis.

One of the doctors kept arriving at drug-related diagnoses, i.e. diseases or symptoms explained by sharing needles, using inhalants, etc. In a heated moment, another colleague confronted her about her stereotyping this guy and assuming all his problems were drug-related. She could not see past his substance abuse to the larger picture. Her colleague said it best when she finally yells, "He has an addiction!"

This same doctor, the one who favored drug-related diagnoses, tries to have a heart-to-heart with her patient at the end, as he's dying.

(paraphrased)

"You've used so many drugs and drank so heavily for so many years. Don't you have any regrets?"
"I've used a lot of drugs and drank a lot. Everything else, I regret."

We see a lot of polysubstance abusers and legitimate drug-related diagnoses in the ICU. In my own practice and conversations with my patients, it would behoove me to remind myself that substance abuse does not the individual make. That every ailment or social problem cannot be attributed to their drug use. That they have an addiction, not a character flaw. That they may not even regret their drug use. It would behoove me to step back and take a second look.

"After Linking New Strain of Staph to Gay Men, University Scrambles to Clarify"

Here is a follow-up article to the one I posted a few days ago regarding MRSA infection. It is interesting and admittedly irritating to see how different groups responded to the initial article that was published in last Tuesday's New York Times.

A confession

Consider this my PostSecret confession, which stems from a very frustrating last few weeks at work:

Whenever patients are admitted to the ICU who:

• got drunk and fell down on their head and now have blood in their brain
• overdosed on drugs
• took cocaine and now complain of chest pain
• stopped drinking abruptly, knowing they have a 20 beer/day habit
• tried to swing a punch at me and/or kick me
• engaged in irresponsible behavior, expecting a responsible outcome

instead of being an empathic, understanding, level-headed clinician, I want to look into their eyes and scream YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!!!

A bit worrisome

My roommate told me about an article in yesterday's New York Times entitled "New Bacteria Strain Is Striking Gay Men". It's basically a bug called MRSA that is infecting the MSM population much more frequently than the general population. It does not appear to be dependent on HIV serostatus, but does appear to be at least partially linked to sexual activity.

Check out the article here.

This is obviously a bit worrisome for a few reasons:

1) Unsafe sex continues to be problematic in the MSM population (as well as the general pop.).

2) They didn't know much about HIV/AIDS when it first caught the public's eye; just knew that it was a mysterious infection more commonly found in the MSM population. That sounds a lot like what's going on here.

3) MRSA is not easy to treat (i.e. multi-drug resistant).

Very hopefully, more research will elucidate this situation and maybe it'll turn out to be not that big of a deal. My gut may tell me otherwise, though.

This Is How We Roll

Over the weekend, I hosted in my apartment a student from Harding University who was coming to New York to check out the city and see what it would be like to live and work here. I've been in that situation before, in my last year of school, so I thought it only fair that someone extend to him the same welcome that was extended to me. That said, I'll admit that I was battling some pre-conceived notions about a Harding kid hanging out with me, Wilber, and Casey for the weekend. What will he think? How uncomfortable will he be? What will we talk about?

The trip went smoothly. We hit up a mixture of tourist sites and everday haps here in the city. We spent time in Brooklyn and Queens (let's hear it for the outer boroughs!), Chelsea (it's the second happiest place on earth, next to Disneyland), lower Manhattan, and Little Italy. He wanted to see the "everyday New York", so I showed him just that. Lots of time on the subway, running errands, running into friends on the street, etc.

We had good conversation about church backgrounds and where we both stand regarding our beliefs in worship. To my surprise, we're not that different. He attends a non-denominational church in Searcy, AR, which blew my mind. I didn't think such churches existed there. That shows my ignorance. He's also done a lot of mission work overseas and has a heart for social justice. Very cool.

We went to CCfB on Sunday morning and he got to see how we roll there. He liked it. Maybe he'll be back someday.

I daresay that the weekend was an eye-opening experience for us both. He changed my idea of what the typical Harding student looks like, and likely I changed his mind of what the typical Christian looks like. Good for both of us.

I'll Be Home for Christmas

I'm headed home tomorrow to spend eight wonderful days in Central Texas with my family. My semester ended last night and I told physics and organic chemistry goodbye. We've had a strained relationship over the past few months, and in the end, we decided it was best for us to go our separate ways. :)

Texas will be great. My mom is having an "Old-fashion Christmas" this year. It will be perfect, complete with comfort food, lazy days, and sappy Christmas music. Picture Country Living meets Reba McEntire singing "Silent Night". Can't wait! My mom has a theme for the Christmas tree each year. My favorite theme was "Texas Christmas" where the tree was decorated with chili-pepper lights, rope, red bandanas, and a cowboy hat on top. This year, she told me she's decorated the tree with all the ornaments that we boys grew up with. Christmas ornaments are special. I look forward to reminiscing and to the down-time.

all the pretty Circumstance

My younger brother, Matthew, forwarded this YouTube link to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

It's really entertaining for those who consider themselves musically-minded. This guy's commentary is dead on. And his thoughts about the cello are my thoughts about playing trombone and about singing bass, for that matter.

In Pachelbel's Canon in D, the cellos have the same eight quarter notes over and over again. Same story for us trombones in the ever-popular graduation song Pomp and Circumstance. We have the same repeated quarter notes throughout the whole piece, and if you've ever played at a graduation, it's about 20 minutes of continuous Pomp ("pomp, pomp, pomp, pomp"). It's a shame that the woodwinds and strings get to play all the pretty Circumstance. Someday, we'll have our moment!

Create Providence

My friend Hilary had this to say in church, recently:

About two months ago I decided I need to go to Nigeria, to found a non-profit and take a group of artists to work with an orphanage and home for battered women called Susana Homes. I’d had this idea for two years, but it was at the Pepperdine Lectures in early May that the vision snapped into focus. In the weeks that followed, as I drove my parent’s car around California and listened to the new worship CDs we’d acquired that week, I found myself questioning the lyrics to the songs I normally would have embraced wholeheartedly. Nnow, with every worship song I sung along to, I pictured standing on the stage we’re going to build, with my friends, leading worship for the people of these villages. And the words only seemed appropriate for us in our 1st world, developed country lives.

Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
And blessed be your name when I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
On the road marker with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be your name


When I sing about the desert place, the wilderness, my road marked with suffering … I am maybe thinking about a time when I felt lonely, my anxiety about my career or finances, breaking up with a boyfriend, or maybe acknowledging that I haven’t been spending as much time with God as I should. And let’s be honest, it’s not all that hard for me to still trust and praise God for his goodness even when I feel uncertain about, say, my career. I do believe He has a plan for me. But for these villages living in extreme poverty? Children who have been orphaned. Women beaten and abused. People without hope that their lives are going to get better. Without opportunity to get out. Just praying for rain, praying there will be enough food, praying their wife won’t be one of the many who die in child birth, praying that they don’t have AIDS and pass it onto their children, praying that God will send them parents and a family. How do they say “Blessed be your name”? I say it in my “desert place” … curled up on my down comforter in my brand new apartment building with my breathtaking view of Manhattan. I trust that the streams of abundance will flow again because they have, because He has provided and He is good. But have these children ever been in a land that is plentiful? Have they ever been just bowled over by the sheer power of streams of abundance?

Hilary has followed through with her vision and has founded a non-profit organization called Create Providence. In short, they are a group of 12 professional artists from here in NYC who are traveling to Nigeria for awhile, sharing their talent and training with children living in extreme poverty in the hope of bringing them greater beauty, joy, creativity, and empowering them to find their own unique voices and gifts.

Each artist needs to raise $3000 to cover the cost of their trip. They leave in January. There is a link on the Create Providence website where you can find out how you can donate money and/or supplies for this endeavor. I am moved by the passion these artists have for their work and how they are using it to glorify Him. Keep the artists of Create Providence bathed in prayer as they prepare for their trip.

There's This UFO...

Up the street from me, a group of people have constructed a life-size UFO in front of this house. It's part of a "Halloween walk" in the neighborhood, but politically-inspired as well. As you can tell from the photo, the UFO sits in faux graveyard where some of the epitaphs are worth mentioning below. What you can't see from the photos are the aliens that are peeking out of the windows of the surrounding houses. And, the people in these houses have replaced all their lights with green bulbs, so the houses give off this eery glow at night. If you have a chance to stroll through Clinton Hill (right off the Clinton-Washington stop on the G line), you should check it out.

• Here Lies Congestion Pricing: the dolts in Albany do not care about the quality of our air

• I [heart] NRA: Rest in Pieces

• Gonsalez, Scooter, Rove & Rummy: here do turn to waste; worms and bugs don't find them yummy. Oh, creatures of such taste!

• Luciano Pavorotti: he has gone to that great all you can sing buffet in the sky. Buon Giorno!

• Here Lies myspace.com--abducted by Facebook

• Marcel Marceau: 1923-2007; Now he really is trapped in a box

Ya se casaron!

Mexico was awesome! It's a sanctuary, it's downtime, it's family, it's laughing together, it's home-cooked meals, and all those other wonderful things you love about going back home.

The wedding went off without a hitch. Both ceremonies were great. FYI, in Mexico, there are two parts to getting married: the first ceremony, called the "civil ceremony", happens the day before the religious ceremony. It takes place before a judge. The families are present including two selected "witnesses" for each of the bride and groom, who must sign the wedding certificate. The second ceremony is the traditional church ceremony that we are accustomed to here in the US (barring a few cultural differences). The civil ceremony was on Friday. I was honored to be one of Fer's witnesses. The church wedding was Saturday evening at La Iglesia de Cristo en Sierra Ventana, followed by all-out party at a reception hall.

Check out the pictures I posted.

La boda del siglo

I'm headed to Monterrey on Thursday this week and cannot wait! It's been over a year since I've been back. I can't wait to see the house, sleep in my bed, eat tacos, and laugh with my brothers. It's been too long since we've seen each other.

My older brother, Fer, is getting married on Saturday. I'm honored to be in the wedding and to share in this day with him and the rest of the Santos family. Please keep Fer and Vero and their marriage in your prayers. Look for pictures here when I get back in town.

Update on Ellen

Ellen had her surgery last Friday morning. My co-workers and I went to go see her this morning after we got off work. She was awake and able to talk to us and we were grateful for that. According to her, the surgery was a success and went very well. That is very good news.

She was more than a little frustrated with the nursing care she is receiving at the hospital where she had the surgery (won't mention the name, but it's a world-renowned, private hospital). Evidently, their care is not up to par with the nurses at Bellevue (woop! woop!). Guess it's true, that all that glitters is not gold. Bellevue is more like coal, but we try to glitter in our own way.

Thank you all for thoughts and prayers on her behalf. More updates to come.

some thoughts on the Holy Spirit

Over the past month, I have had some difficult, albeit necessary, conversations with my family regarding homosexuality and, in particular, my life as a gay Christian. We don't agree, as a whole family, on the issue of homosexuality and its place in the life of a Christian. The fact that we don't agree has caused me some stress, some worry, and some requests for prayer, because I have felt like eventual unanimity was very important.

In my Bible reading last week, I came to a new understanding of my decision and my family's decisions, which I will attempt to share here. It involves the Holy Spirit and its role in allowing, in fact demanding, us each to live out wholly the intricacies of our individual salvations. Let me explain.

We (Christians, my family) all believe in the same resurrection. However, our respective Christianities are going to look different beyond that. It wasn't for no good reason that I felt called to leave home and move to New York a few years ago. It was no accident that I came to a crisis point in my life which demanded me to make a decision on how to live out my sexuality as a man of God. My membership in CCfB was also not incidental. Quite the contrary. These events I attribute to the work of the Spirit. It has been the lived experiences of Nate Jones that have allowed me to arrive at my decision. This decision was crucial for my salvation. This issue, more than any other, consumed my life and necessitated a decision that has, in part, shaped my salvation and how I will proceed with my Christianity.

The Spirit didn't call my brothers or my parents to come to New York. It has called them other places, to wrestle with other things that are crucial to their respective salvations. It only now makes sense to me that everyone's salvation will look different because God has created each one of us as individuals, not clones. So, if someone's belief in homosexuality (or any other issue, for that matter) differs from mine, that's okay. If they are decidedly against it or are ambiguous about it, that's okay. For I know what I've decided for myself that is vital to my walk, that allows me to now be outwardly focused, that which is significant to my salvation. For others, they will have their own issues and struggles which are paramount in their salvations, which will be worked out in the course of their lifetimes.

In Philippians chapter 2, Paul writes, "...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." It is not on our own merit but by God, who gives us the ability, to decide what is good and right and then to act on it, according to our principles (paraphrased, Matthew Henry Commentary).

Let me add this: this line of thought can be a slippery slope. Critics may argue that suddenly anything can become permissible because it is "crucial to someone's salvation." Obviously, salvation is not something to be discussed nonchalantly or worked out cavalierly. We have to trust each other, as Christian brothers and sisters, that anything placed under the umbrella of salvation has been worked through in true pain. It is something that requires perseverent and painstaking care.

My new understanding does not completely absolve me or the church of its responsibility to continue difficult conversations. It does, though, allow for a degree of grace and permission to individualize the process of working out one's salvation.

Ellen

Friends & Family,

A co-worker of mine, Ellen, desperately needs prayer right now. She has some severe, chronic health problems related to high-dose, internal radiation treatments she received for cancer when she was a very young woman. She has already had multiple surgeries and is scheduled for additional surgery very soon. She is too sick to work, yet working so much each week to try and stay afloat financially.

She is scared for her own life, for her financial well-being, and for her future. Ellen has had a difficult life, full of betrayal and disappointment, and she needs so much to feel loved and to feel some very profound healing.

Please add Ellen to your prayer list, that God will be unmistakably present for her.

RENT

Have you ever had the opportunity to stand in front of your favorite painting, or hear your favorite song performed live, or listen to an author you love read from his or her book? You know the feeling you get?

Over the years, I have seen a few truly incredible performances. They are unforgettable moments when a performance connects with its audience in a very profound way. Friday night, Aydrea (a friend from LA) and Casey and I went and saw RENT, and it was a performance that will stick with me forever.

I've seen the show a few times before, but this performance was special for these reasons:

(1) Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp, who originated the leads in the show in 1996, are back for a few weeks. To see an original cast is awesome. They can deliver the show in a way that is unparalleled.

(2) Tamyra Gray, of American Idol fame, is also in the cast right now. I've been a fan of hers from the beginning.

(3) Aydrea, through a friend of hers, was able to arrange for us to meet with the stage manager after the show. We got backstage and the stage manager asks us, "Who in the cast would you like to meet?" Seriously, people. We got to choose who we wanted to talk to! So, we each rattled off a couple of names of cast members, and he made it happen. It was awesome. To stand at shoot the breeze with these performers was incredible. They were gracious and kind and genuine. Especially my girl Tamyra. And to shake hands with Broadway legends like Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp was a really big deal for me.

(4) The stage manager then took us on a tour of the set and of backstage. He let us roam on the stage wherever we wanted, explained all the changes that take place backstage during a performance, and let us see all the props and costumes that we cared to see. For people who know the show really well, like Casey, Aydrea and I do, it was quite poignant to be that close to the characters. I was able to walk over to the part of the stage where my favorite character, Collins, sings my favorite song, "I'll Cover You", and just stand there and soak it in. It sounds ridiculous, I know, to say that I made a connection with the character, standing there, but it's true. I will always remember getting to stand there alongside Collins and appreciate what his character stands for and the message his songs deliver. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Thank you Aydrea, your friends, and thank you to the stage manager for making Friday night happen. I'm still floating.